All throughout it was my youthful arrogance to take my parents for granted. I felt safety. I felt unadulterated joy. But I had no idea. I couldn’t know what I had but now it’s all gone.
Grief is a cruel kind of education. You learn how ungentle mourning can be, how full of anger. You learn how glib condolences can feel. You learn how much grief is about language, the failure of language and the grasping for language. Why are my sides so sore and achy? It’s from crying, I’m told. I did not know that we cry with our muscles. The pain is not surprising, but its physicality is: my tongue unbearably bitter, as though I ate a loathed meal and forgot to clean my teeth; on my chest, a heavy, awful weight; and inside my body, a sensation of eternal dissolving. My heart – my actual physical heart, nothing figurative here – is running away from me, has become its own separate thing, beating too fast, its rhythms at odds with mine. This is an affliction not merely of the spirit but of the body, of aches and lagging strength. Flesh, muscles, organs are all compromised. No physical position is comfortable. For weeks, my stomach is in turmoil, tense and tight with foreboding, the ever-present certainty that somebody else will die, that more will be lost.
When we were kids dad used to make us solve crosswords. We didn’t know shit but we all used to have a laugh failing at crosswords. How do I explain the loss of the keeper of my childhood? He is so intricately tied to my life. I had feared but never had the courage to imagine he would part with me so early. I miss him so much, I can’t even get myself to enter his room.
It's so hard to see you in pain like this, I'm so so sorry for your loss. All your followers are. We're all internet strangers but we still appreciate you. I hope you have good people to be around IRL who will support you in this difficult time. I am so sorry again <3
thinking about death as permanence is agony. I wake up sometimes and realise that I have forgotten my father is not around anymore. That he is not here to joke around, teach me how to drive or even hug me. It’s a void. It’s a room that is now locked and no matter how much I try to bang against the door the room will never open.
Ever since dad died I’ve been trying to force the mundane on myself to deal with sorrow. Of course social media is a part of the mundane but how can you brave to see your friends travelling, drinking and laughing with their families intact. And the crippling guilt that social media activity gives you, as if it’s not an unhealthy addiction but rather a leisurely activity I choose to participate in.
Lmao. At least tumblr is non personalised this way.
Indian princely states have no locus standi to be even asking the British Museum for their stolen wealth. They were invaders too and wholeheartedly enslaved dalits and adivasis.
Hi. I like ur blog so I'm asking this dumb q. Why tf did someone tell me to not trust arundhati Roy? Like isn't she on the good side? Did she do something to get cancelled while I was taking a break from the news?
The right wing ecosystem in India is very much Neo Nazi inspired. That means if you’re a writer, and if you talk about people’s rights and liberation you’re a villain. That’s why she is vilified in the mainstream because the mainstream in India is a Neo Nazi movement
As for the leftist critique of hers, some say she has hijacked the mic from Dalits by writing an introduction for Babasaheb’s Annihilation of Caste. But they somehow gloss over her brilliance and seething criticism of Gandhi-esque pacifism that even leftists normalise. She has done much more to normalise Ambedkar in the English language. Much much more than anyone else - I think it’s a good use of her power and platform.
is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i gave you oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?
Like millions of people in India over the past days, I too have tested positive for Covid :’) with my entire fam
Please please pray for my dad. He is in the ICU fighting severe pneumonia due to Covid-19
It has been a month and he is still in the ICU fighting for his life. Please please pray for my father.
Thanks for keeping him in your prayers. Unfortunately he passed away. My dad <3
I honestly don’t know how I’ll be able to live. Will be taking things one day at a time. It still hasn’t sunk in fully because the loss is simply too much to fathom.
